Solo Poly. Rules for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me

Previous i was chiming in on a forum thread about rules in polyamorous relationships today. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and duty are necessary to any or all areas of my entire life. Therefore I’m averse to being bdsm dating site in relationships where partners make difficult guidelines to regulate or restrict one another — which will be a reason that is big traditional monogamy does not benefit me personally.

But We have developed some pretty important guidelines for myself.

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Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:

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  1. Shared consideration and respect(how we treat one another)
  2. Autonomy and self obligation (exactly how we each care for ourselves)
  3. Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
  4. Joy (because otherwise, what’s the true point?)

These values give my relationship objectives: items that my group of guidelines collectively seeks to obtain:

  • Preserving integrity: being the type or types of individual I would like to be.
  • Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
  • Linking with other people with techniques which can be significant, deep, and constructive
  • Supporting, considering and others that are respecting
  • Feeling pleased, fulfilled and happy
  • Personal development: continuing to understand and develop
  • Boosting my resilience and strength
  • Keeping stability and stress that is managing discomfort and chaos within my life

Before we have into my listing of guidelines, I want to explain why We have them.

I’ve discovered, through experience, they assist me personally be the ideal individual I am able to be. They assist make sure that we keep residing a life that is advantageous to me personally, without coming at the cost of other people, which often assists me be here better for others once they require me personally. They assist me determine each time a provided situation or relationship may or might not be a risk that is foolish.

Each one of these guidelines is dependant on my very own personal experience with relationships and life, specially being a polyamorous and person that is solo. There’s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is extremely relevant and personal for me — your mileage, since constantly, can vary.

The main element to these guidelines is which they connect with me personally, not to ever my lovers. Fundamentally they’re about how exactly we make choices regarding just how to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.

We don’t need that my lovers or metamours live as much as my criteria, or do things my means; but they are wanted by me to know in advance how I make choices about my relationships. That’s only reasonable.

These guidelines use whether or perhaps not I’m in a substantial relationship. Plus they assist me make certain — whenever i actually do begin to go into relationships that include significant assets of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. — why these connections stand an excellent possibility of being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or discouraging.

Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage may differ. We provide these for example for the forms of individual guidelines or requirements that would be helpful for anybody — but particularly for solo individuals, and specially for solamente poly people.

Aggie’s guidelines for Aggie:

  1. Respect and consideration. We don’t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest an obvious willingness or tendency to do this. If individuals try this, I’ll inform them it is an issue. I’ll probably give them a few possibilities so long as they’re perhaps perhaps perhaps not egregiously rude. However, if a pattern that is baddeliberate ) emerges within their behavior, I’ll distance myself. Likewise, we make an effort to always respect and think about my lovers and metamours. Once they let me know whatever they require, we you will need to listen, negotiate and provide them the things I can ( or be truthful if we can’t).